My mom, Sheila Sinton, passed away peacefully and on her own terms on Wednesday, January 15^th at around 11:20am.  It was the culmination of a process she chose to end her life mercifully, before years of suffering and further decline at the hands of Alzheimer’s disease.

In addition to the nurses and the care that was part of the process, she also was provided with special services to help her relax and release her spirit.  On Monday a masseuse came by and gave her a special massage.  She was asleep and barely responsive at this point, but when asked if she wanted it on Sunday night, she said “that sounds wonderful”, so I hope on some level she was able to enjoy it.

On Tuesday morning, a woman came by to provide spiritual therapy, using aromas, sounds, chants and other methods to help her spirit release.  Her process drove me to fight back both tears and laughter to be honest.  I have no idea if it helped or not, but why not try it?

Before she began, she asked me to tell her some things about my mom.  For some reason, the first thing I could think to say was “she likes butterflies.”  I was then able to offer a few more insights, but it was her love of butterflies that first came to mind at that moment.  My cousin Cheryl was with us at this time and shared how she asked my mom to send her a butterfly when she passed to tell her everything was ok.

The rest of Tuesday was calm as my mom slept.  We had all said our goodbyes and shared stories, and now we waited.  By Tuesday night, Stephanie, our night nurse, informed me that it would happen relatively soon, she might make it through the night, but likely wouldn’t last past the early morning.  I went to bed around 11pm and Stephanie said she would wake me up if she felt my mom was about to go.  After tossing and turning for much of the night I got up about 6am and Stephanie told me it could be anytime now.  I let Cheryl, Tom and Tasha know so they could be there, and they were all there within the hour.

And then we waited, her snoring had subsided and now she was sleeping peacefully with her breaths getting farther and farther apart.  But she was hanging on.  8am, 9am, 10am.  Then it hit me, she wasn’t going to leave if I was there.  My mom cherished every minute she could spend with me, and my feeling was that as long as I was sitting by her side and she could feel my presence, she was going to hang on.  So, I decided to go for a walk.  I told everyone to call me if it truly was imminent, but if I missed ‘the moment’ it was ok, I’d said plenty of goodbyes at this point.

So, I walked and walked.  I called my wife (who concurred that my mom wouldn’t leave if I was there), I listened to music, I listened to a fantasy baseball podcast, I cried a little, and I walked.  Eventually I crossed Lake Street and walked around a park for a while.  And then, while in a park across the street from where my mom lay taking her final breaths, a single, solitary butterfly flew in my path.  She not only flew around me, but right at me.  Now in full disclosure, I don’t like bugs, never did, never will, and my first instinct was to avoid the butterfly.  But this butterfly was aggressive in a way I’ve never experienced.  It was coming at me, not flitting around like most butterflies do.

I don’t pretend to understand the spirit world, in fact if anything I’m probably a little more skeptical by nature.  But could this butterfly be a sign from my mom?  Was this a spiritual message?  It flew right at me one more time, and then almost magically it disappeared.  I knew in my gut; it was time to return to my mom.  

I walked back and just as I approached the door, Tasha called to tell me to come back, my mom was ready to go.  Her breaths had slowed to every 15-20 seconds.  I walked back in the room and returned to my mom’s bedside, and suddenly her breathing increased again.  I jokingly told her I knew she wouldn’t leave if I was here and I said I was gonna go for another walk if she was gonna be like that.  I then went to the other side of the room, and a few minutes later she took her final breath.

My mom and I had a special bond and a special love that literally lasted from my first breath until her final one.  Did she send me that butterfly to tell me to come back?  Was her spirit already in it?  I’ll never know, but I do know our connection was stronger than words could explain.  I’ll never forget the day after I injured my jaw in one of my many sports injuries when she called me asking if I was ok.  I said sure, not wanting to worry her or make a big deal about my latest injury.  She said, “just tell me the truth, I had the strangest feeling that something happened to your mouth.”

I couldn’t explain that moment, and I couldn’t explain the butterfly, but I know our love and connection was strong and undeniable, and I will miss her very much.

Oh, and two days later, Cheryl called me.  “I got my butterfly.”

Frank Sinton